I Am Nothing by Paul Buchheit

What will you do if you're too tough to be a good woman, too sensitive to be a good man, too selfish to be a good husband, too lazy to be a good employee, too shy to be a good friend, too caring to be rational, too fat to be pretty, too effeminate to be straight, too introverted to be a good leader, too smart to be kind, too young to be taken seriously, too old to make a difference, or too far behind to even get in the race?

These are all false standards and false dichotomies, but they are so common and so ingrained that we sometimes believe in them without even realizing it. And this leads to a mountain of insecurities, because nobody measures up to these crazy standards (and nobody should). But even if we don't believe in these things, it still matters what other people think, right? What will the neighbors think? Or how about our co-workers, or the people at church? And so everyone works to hide their insecurities, and they look around at their peers for comparison, and maybe they feel bad because everyone else seems to have it easy, to have it all figured out. The truth is, nobody can see the truth anymore. They are all working to hide the truth, because the truth is that they are afraid of who or what they really are. So they all put on a show, and they pretend to be a good whatever. Or maybe they rebel, and make a point of being a bad whatever, but then they are still under the control of that false standard, and they are still not being themselves.

That is all so exhausting.

I am nothing. It's simple. If I were smart, I might be afraid of looking stupid. If I were successful, I might be afraid of failure. If I were a man, I might be afraid of being weak. If I were a Christian, I might be afraid of losing faith. If I were an atheist, I might be afraid of believing. If I were rational, I might be afraid of my emotions. If I were introverted, I might be afraid of meeting new people. If I were respectable, I might be afraid of looking foolish. If I were an expert, I might be afraid of being wrong.

But I am nothing, and so I am finally free to be myself.

This isn't license to stagnate. Change is inevitable. Change is part of who we are, but if we aren't changing for the better, then we are just slowly decaying.

By returning to zero expectations, by accepting that I am nothing, it is easier to see the truth. Fear, jealousy, insecurity, unfairness, embarrassment -- these feelings cloud our ability to see what is. The truth is often threatening, and once our defenses are up, it's difficult to be completely honest with anyone, even ourselves. But when I am nothing, when I have no image or identity or ego to protect, I can begin to see and accept things as they really are. That is the beginning of positive change, because we cannot change what we do not accept and do not understand. But with understanding, we can finally see the difference between fixing problems, and hiding them, the difference between genuine improvement, and faking it. We discover that many of our weaknesses are actually strengths once we learn how to use them, and that our greatest gifts are often buried beneath our greatest insecurities.

--Paul Buchheit, in I Am Nothing

देखा हुआ सा कुछ है तो सोचा हुआ सा कुछ
हर वक़्त मेरे साथ है उलझा हुआ सा कुछ
होता है यूं भी रास्ता खुलता नहीं कहीं
जंगल सा फैल जाता है खोया हुआ सा कुछ
साहिल की गीली रेत पे बच्चों के खेल सा
हर लम्हा मुझ में बनता बिगड़ता हुआ सा कुछ
[saahil=shore; giilii=wet; lamhaa=moment]
फुर्सत ने आज घर को सजाया कुछ इस तरह
हर शय से मुस्कुराता है रोता हुआ सा कुछ
[fursat=leisure; shay=object/thing]
धुंधली सी एक याद किसी कब्र का दिया
और मेरे आस-पास चमकता हुआ सा कुछ - निदा फ़ाज़ली
[qabr=grave]

जहां ना तेरी महक हो उधर ना जाऊं मै
मेरी सरिश्त सफ़र है गुज़र ना जाऊं मै
[sarisht=nature]मेरे बदन में खुले जंगलों की मिटटी है
मुझे सम्हाल के रखना बिखर ना जाऊं मै
मेरे मिज़ाई में बेमानी उलझाने है बहुत
मुझे उधर से बुलाना जिधर ना जाऊं मै
[be-maanii=meaningless]
कहीं पुकार ना ले गहरी वादियों का सबूत
किसी मक़ाम पे आकर ठहर ना जाऊं मैं
[sabuut=silence]
ना जाने कौन से लम्हे की बद्दुआ है ये
करीब घर के रहूं और घर ना जाऊं मै - निदा फ़ाज़ली 

हर घडी खुद से उलझाना है मुक़द्दर मेरा
मैं ह़ी कश्ती हूँ मुझी में है समंदर मेरा 
किससे पूछु की कहाँ गुम हूँ बरसों से
हर जगह ढूंढता फिरता है मुझे घर मेरा 
एक से हो गए मौसमों के चेहरे सारे
मेरी आँखों से कहीं खो गया मंज़र मेरा  

मुद्दतें बीत गई ख़्वाब सुहाना देखे 

जगता रहता है हर नींद में बिस्तर मेरा 

आईना देखके निकला था मैं घर से बाहर

 आज तक हाथ में महाफुस है पत्थर मेरा -निदा फ़ाज़ली

अब ख़ुशी है ना कोई गम रुलाने वाला
हमने अपना लिया हर रंग ज़माने वाला
उसको रुक्षत किया था मुझे मालूम ना था
सारा घर ले गया घर छोड़ के जाने वाला
इक मुसाफिर के सफ़र जैसी है सब की दुनिया  कोई  जल्दी मै कोई देर से जाने वाला 

एक बे-चेहरा सी उमीद है चेहरा- चेहरा 

जिस तरफ देखिये आने को है आने वाला -निदा फ़ाज़ली 

  धुप में निकलो घटाओं मन नहा कर देखो 
ज़िन्दगी क्या है किताबों को हटा कर देखो वो सितारा है चमकने दो यूँ ही आँखों में क्या ज़रूरी है उसे जिस्म बनाकर देखो 
पत्थरों में भी जुबां होती है दिल होते है
अपने घर की दारोदिवार सजा कर देखो 
फासला नज़रों का धोखा भी हो सकता है 
वो मिले या ना मिले हाथ बढाकर देखो  -निदा फ़ाज़ली 

कभी उससे भी मेरी दोस्ती थी - फिराक गोरखपुरी

ये माना ज़िन्दगी है चार दिन की 

बहुत होते है यारों चार दिन भी 

खुदा को पा गया वाइज़ मगर है 

ज़रूरत आदमी को आदमी की  

मिला हूँ मुस्कुरा के उस से हर बार 

मगर आँखों में भी थी कुछ नमी सी 
मुहबत मै कहे क्या हाल दिल का 

ख़ुशी ह़ी काम आती है ना गम ह़ी 

भरी महफ़िल में हर एक से बचाकर 

तेरी आँखों ने मुझ से बात कर ली  
लड़कपन की अदा है जानलेवा 

गज़ब की छोकरी है हाथ भर की

रकीब-इ-ग़मज़दा अब सबर कर ले 

कभी उससे भी मेरी दोस्ती थी - फिराक गोरखपुरी 

ना मुहबत ना दोस्ती के लिए 

वक़्त रुकता नहीं किसी के लिए 

दिल को अपने सजा ना दे यू ह़ी 

इस ज़माने की बेरुखी के लिए 

कल जवानी का हश्र क्या होगा 

सोच ले आज दो घडी के लिए 

हर कोई प्यार ढूँढता है यहाँ 

अपनी तनहा सी ज़िन्दगी के लिए 

वक़्त के साथ साथ चलता रहे 

यही है बेहतर आदमी के लिए 

ना मुहबत ना दोस्ती के लिए 

वक़्त रुकता नहीं किसी के लिए 

दिल को अपने सजा ना दे यू ह़ी 

इस ज़माने की बेरुखी के लिए 

कल जवानी का हश्र क्या होगा 

सोच ले आज दो घडी के लिए 

हर कोई प्यार ढूँढता है यहाँ 

अपनी तनहा सी ज़िन्दगी के लिए 

वक़्त के साथ साथ चलता रहे 

यही है बेहतर आदमी के लिए 

mohabbat tark kii mai.n ne garebaan sii liyaa main ne-Sahir Ludhianvi

Mohabbat tark kii main ne garebaan sii liyaa main ne
zamaane ab to Khush ho zahar ye bhii pii liyaa main ne
[tark=renounce; garebaa.N=dress/clothing]
abhii zindaa huun lekin sochataa rahataa huun  Khalvat men
ki ab tak kis tamannaa ke sahaare jii liyaa main ne
[Khalvat=solitude]
unhen apanaa nahiin sakataa magar itanaa bhii kyaa kam hai
ki kuchh muddat hasiin Khvaabon men kho kar jii liyaa main ne
bas ab to daaman-e-dil chhod do bekaar ummiido
bahut dukh sah liye main ne bahut din jii liyaa main ne- Sahir Ludhianvi

… Looking for reasons.

(This piece of literature that i found on a blog always strikes on my mind so finally i made it mine by putting it on the blog that i can access any where anytime as Love is not only a person's soul sure possession...I wish Love beautifies everyone's Life by saying I Love You...-Suchita Shukla) 

Why is it that the very sight of a person makes your heart skip a beat? Your thought starts to race and your body starts to shiver with a nervousness that you find difficult to explain. She can lacerate your heart with one indifferent look at you. Why is it that when you close your eyes, to go to sleep every night, her eyes start a conversation with you? And when she starts to visit you in your dreams, with alarming regularity, you are convinced that she has permeated your subconscious. At the thought of that you permit yourself a smile. You don’t want to discuss her with your friends because you fear that your idea of her might lose it’s novelty. You realize, all of sudden, that solitude is your only trustworthy companion. Why is it that when she leaves you for the day you feel a sense of loss that defies logic? On your walk back home, when you look at people around you, you pity them for not knowing a person like her. And you consider yourself blessed. You surprise your stubborn self by liking the way she views the world, which till yesterday, you considered childish but today they seem innocent and also seem to gel perfectly with your views. There is also a burning desire to know more about her and the world that she lives in. In short, you don’t seem to get over her. And to make matters worse she seems to grow on you with each passing day. You realize it is about time you looked at your case more objectively. You try to console yourself by saying, “it’s all in the mind, I’ll get over her with time’’. With little more logical analysis you satisfy yourself that you have won the battle. You convince yourself that your mind will no longer disturb you. But, the very next minute, you realize that every thought of her is accompanied with a sigh. And you know you have not found the answer. Maybe, next time. Maybe never!